What does this mean for the future of Haiti Awake?

I have to admit. I felt this was coming. But now that the announcement has been officially made, it does feel so final, so real, so heavy.

As I sat in Haiti at our 10th anniversary celebration in October, I felt as if I was holding a holy moment in time, a moment I would look back on with great nostalgia and longing. Little did we know that October trip would be my last trip to Haiti for the foreseeable future.

When Pastor Steeve came to the US for the month of June, little did we know that would be his last trip to the United States for the foreseeable future.

But God knew. In His infinite knowledge, He knew. Nothing catches God by surprise.

“Standing here
Not knowing how we’ll get through this test
But holding onto faith, You know best
Nothing can catch You by surprise
You got this figured out and You’re watching us now”

— Travis Greene, Made a Way

What does the absence of commercial air travel mean for the future of Haiti Awake? Very simply, it means we will need to adapt - again. We are adept at adapting as that has been the only way to keep the ministry moving forward in the chaos of the last 6.5 years.

All these years we have been saying, “These are hard days in Haiti.” And we so long for a better day, a day we cannot yet see. Though I have known the following verse most of my life, it now carries a completely different meaning.

“Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a dream fulfilled is a tree of life.”

— Proverbs 13:12

Please continue to pray for the communities we serve in Haiti. While my heart is grieving from afar, this chaos and dysfunction is daily life for those I have come to love as family. It is hard to explain the great suffering that is taking place in close proximity to both of our facilities and the incredibly difficult issues the Haiti Awake staff faces on a personal level day-by-day.

I cannot emphasize enough how much a Google Meet would mean to staff and children. If you would give 30 minutes, it would be so encouraging.

“But to a friend, time is an investment of the heart, not just the hand. Friends spend time. ”

— Sara Hagerty

With all of my heart I desire to return to Haiti as soon as the possibility presents itself. I long to give hugs, to have face-to-face conversations, to share a meal, to laugh together. Perhaps that day will come sooner than we expect. But until that day, we will continue to remember to remember - just like we did as we sat together for our anniversary celebration less than two months ago.

“Remember the way He led us up to the top of the highest mountain
Remember the way He carried us through the deepest dark
Remember His promises for every step on the road ahead
Look where we’ve been and where we’re going
And remember to remember.”

— Steven Curtis Chapman

Reflecting on 10 years of ministry

10 years. Hills. Valleys.

10 years.  Gains. Losses.

10 years.  Laughter.  Tears.

10 years. Hellos. Goodbyes.

10 years.  Building.  Tearing down.

10 years. Hope.  Despair.

10 years. Teaching. Learning.

10 years. Success. Failure.

10 years. Celebration. Mourning.

10 years. Joy.  Sorrow. 

10 years. 

He is good. 

He is faithful. 

He is kind. 

He is worthy.

It's been three months

Three months ago today, I left Haiti on what would turn out to be the last commercial flight out of Haiti before the airport shut down.
I had planned to return to Haiti last week, but those plans changed. You can read more about that on my personal website.

The situation in Haiti remains precarious, but the staff of Haiti Awake continue to lead with love and dignity, finding a way to adapt to the new difficulties our organization is faced with on a regular basis.

Thank you for your continued support.

Suffering too great for words

“When three of Job’s friends heard of the tragedy he had suffered, they got together and traveled from their homes to comfort and console him…
When they saw Job from a distance, they scarcely recognized him...  

Then they sat on the ground with him for seven days and nights. No one said a word to Job, for they saw that his suffering was too great for words.”  Job 2:11-13

For the last several nights, I have woken up multiple times to pray.  Each night there has been a specific member of our community for whom the Holy Spirit was leading me to intercede.  And last night when I woke up, I was not only led to pray for one specific family, but this verse from Job came to my mind, as well -   “No one said a word to Job . . . his suffering was too great for words.”

And that’s where we find ourselves today.  There are no words.

It all happened so quickly.

Last Thursday, we had an amazing Google Meet call with so many of you.  All those on the Haiti Awake team were encouraged and refreshed.  Friday we ran programs with a new plan, and it was incredible.  We were all hopeful as we looked to the future.  Saturday there was a phone call with a sponsor.   Once again, it was a sweet time that filled everyone with joy.

And then the afternoon came.

The events that have transpired since Saturday at noon defy any explanation.  Members of our staff and community have suffered staggering losses and disappointment, but we will not comment on those matters publicly. In an effort to preserve people's privacy and help them hold their dignity, we have decided not to share stories we do not believe are ours to tell.

In full transparency, however, our suffering is great.  Our sorrow is real.  We are in a time of lament.  

But due to the current circumstances, we can not all sit on the ground together.   We can not gather around the one family whom we all wish to hold close at the moment.

We can, however, stand together in solidarity and silence by going dark for the next seven days.

The groanings have been too deep for words many times over the last six years, but this week we have reached a level of sorrow even we can not articulate.  We find ourselves in the depths of affliction.

Nevertheless, we do not want you to mistake our silence for capitulation, despair, or defeat.  No. Senior leadership has consulted together and reached the decision that in order to heal, in order to process recent events, in order to find the path forward, as an organization we need to rest, breathe, and, in the absence of words from others, hear the voice of God.  We are doing this with the support of the Board of Directors of Haiti Awake.

Please pray with us as we discern what God has for us in the days ahead.

“We now have this light shining in our hearts, but we ourselves are like fragile clay jars containing this great treasure. This makes it clear that our great power is from God, not from ourselves.

We are pressed on every side by troubles, but we are not crushed. We are perplexed, but not driven to despair. We are hunted down, but never abandoned by God. We get knocked down, but we are not destroyed.

Through suffering, our bodies continue to share in the death of Jesus so that the life of Jesus may also be seen in our bodies.    ”

— 2 Corinthians 4:7-10

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If you have a need that requires immediate attention, please contact Kaitlyn Stephens at 910-599-1753 or kaitlynmariestephens@gmail.com.

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Thoughts from Haiti - unedited

We are living a very unusual situation in Haiti. Specially in my Community. As a fan of action movies, I am used to hearing the sounds and seeing the effects of war guns. But I did not expect to seeing civilians with such guns around my neighborhood. I do not have any problem seeing a police officer or a soldier with any kind of gun. I know that they know what they are doing, that they are not here to harm anybody. They can control their emotions and will fire when needed and they will protect and serve the population. Imagine how I feel when I have to go back and forth seeing people walking, standing or sitting with these guns. I do not know their intentions and I know what their guns can do.

I had to cross their space to drop my daughter to school. I could see the fear in the eyes of the older one. She is 5 years old. I remember one day, we were coming across one young man with a big gun, my older daughter changes the side, because she was in the side that would meet him. I had to live that for a couple of months. These people party a lot in many places around the neighborhood. Right in the middle of the lane/street. They make loud music with indecent slogan and they fire from time to time. At times, they do it from the afternoon and continue it all night.

During that time, I continue to go to seminary. With this pressure, I continued to study. We always had alerts on other gangs willing to come to attack the community because they are not friend of the gang member leading the area where my community is. But nothing really happened until January and early February.

From the second week of February, people start to do manifestation, lots of damages have been registered all around Port-au-Prince. But at the end of February, things have changed. People with lots of guns start a movement in the streets. They block neighborhoods and communities. People have to take a motorcycle to move around or walk to reach a certain point where they can find public transportation. The routes/trajectory of these ‘tap tap’ and buses are very limited to the areas where police stations and important government’s buildings are. Later, gangs start to attack police stations and moving around neighborhoods with war guns on pickups and motorcycles. And we start to hear lots of gunshots during the days and nights all around the neighborhood. Sometimes, they pass and ask everybody to get in their houses and shot their doors because they will be operating. They shoot a lot. The sounds of these guns shake houses. They are so loud and unpredictable. I can hear different sounds one louder than other: automatic, semi-automatic and full-automatic.

And we start to hearing that police officers are facing them. And bullets start to fly all over. People keep on testifying to find bullets in their yards, their homes and they start to leave where they are living. It became so ugly that the seminary was forced to close its doors. We could not even finish the Midterm exam se were supposed to having at the beginning of March. Professors had to adjust their methods and schedule. Now we are using Google Classroom for quizzes, exams, documents, and to submit our academic papers. We use WhatsApp to receive voice notes, group calls from the professors and to message them our questions. We also use Google Meet and Zoom for live sessions. Even in the middle of the chaos, we still have academic goals to meet.

In my case, it’s difficult to concentrate. The situation is uncertain and I can hear heavy gunshots for hours in the neighborhood. To tell the truth, they do not attack anybody’s home. They are just around, shooting. Sometimes they are confronting the police officers that are trying to unblock the main street. The frustration is when you have some pages to read on a book so that you can make a commentary to submit to the professor and you cannot do it because of these movements happening around. The girls are not in peace. They are terrified. You can see the fear on their eyes. They keep on watching me to know what is my commend and recommendation. I need to reassure them, to give them some kind of distraction so that they can forget the scary sound they are listening around the neighborhood. I also need to keep the conversation with the Direction of the organization that I am working for so that I can know what their decisions are.

It's a little bit calm in the moment that I am writing that, around my neighborhood. But it’s not the reality for some other areas. I consider myself fortunate because I do not have energy problem and I have a fare internet connection that makes me available to attend classes, to communicate with friends, relatives and the Direction of my work and to submit my works through the platforms. I am thankful for life, for the family, work, and church. The church where I go is very close to my house. It’s easy to get there and I always attend church during these periods of hard time. We always have services and meeting many times during the week.

It’s still very risky, specially when we take the road to get something for the family or do something for work. It's scary to see how empty, ugly, and dirty streets are. People are moving very fast with fear because anything can happen at any time. In some areas of Port-au-Prince, schools are working. People just do not were their uniform. Some companies keep on working or work intermittently when they can. Some companies are reducing the number of their staff.

In many places, people still can find what they want to eat. Haitian people eat what they can find. We already did not have many things to choose from. In the community, you find some young people gather to talk about the situation, to tell jokes and laugh. Some are listening to music, singing. They are finding a way to take their minds away from what’s happening. Some people gather together to pray and some churches are having prayer services to ask God’s help and mercy. If you are outside of this, we could ask how people can bear what you are seeing in the news. You’re right, things are bad, especially around Port-au-Prince but we are finding a way. But in other areas of the country, things are normal. Schools are open and people are doing their activities. I know, you do not understand that. I don’t either. But it’s the reality.

We keep on messaging and calling friends, parents and relatives to know how they are. What they are facing. Situations are different from an area to another. But we keep on praying God for his mercy and his guidance to help the nation find its way to peace and development. We also have lots of friends in other countries praying for us too. People we do not know and do not necessarily know us a person, either. I wanted to thank them, and I believe this won’t last.

Individual faces, individual stories

I've watched this video over and over again.

While the world talks about prison breaks in Haiti, my prayers this week have been with those incarcerated at CERMICOL, those whose names we know, those whose faces I hold dear.

This young man's story is the story of so many.

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This teenager was 11 years old when he started working for a gang. He was homeless and hungry, he told CNN, and the gang offered him food.

Now, when other members of the gang kill people, they make him burn the bodies, says the teen, who is now 14.

He would like to get out – but he doesn’t know how. His mother lives outside of Port-au-Prince; he’s not sure how to reach her and couldn’t afford such a trip anyway."

“I wish she could come get me,” he told CNN. “I’d like her to take me out of this place.”

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Haiti isn't 11.5 million people. Haiti is individual people with individual stories.

From the comfort of our US existence, it's impossible to comprehend living in conditions where one truly does not see a way out, one does not believe there are choices, one is only looking to survive.

Even so, come, Lord Jesus.

Seven years of knowing & loving CERMICOL

Seven years ago today, after much prayer and perseverance in getting the proper authorization, Haiti Awake was able to visit CERMICOL for the first time. The young men were kept in their cells, and we went door-to-door to speak to them. The doors were covered by a metal grate, so it was difficult to see the boys’ faces. We had to put our eyes up to a hole and peer through as best we could.

In time we were allowed to see the boys. They would be brought out into the courtyard where they stood in rows, and we would address them there. But they were not allowed to address us.

As trust built, we were allowed to speak to them briefly as they sat in a large classroom. We would stand at the front. They would remain in their seats. There was very little interaction.

And now, seven years later, we enter as if we have arrived at home. We are welcomed and allowed to interact with the young men, having time to talk, to laugh, to get to know each other week-by-week.

Glwa pou Bondye.

Rose-Carmel's First Trip to Les Cayes

From Tuesday, June 13 to Thursday, June 15, I had the extraordinary opportunity to go to Les Cayes. This experience left a lasting impression on me.

Because of the insecurity issue the country is facing now, we took a plane for the trip. It was my first time on a flight,and I noticed a lot of things. The clouds I was used to seeing far away, I was watching them very near me. While I was in the air, I could contemplate a little part of the country, and I realized the greatness of God.

Once we reached our destination, we took our luggage to the hotel and then got right to work. We went to buy some stuff and went to the prison to give them. We met with the women prisoners, and we talked to them. After that, we continued to work. We went to many places. We visited where they plant rice, we talked to the workers, and we tried to do their work.

This experience taught me that beside the current situation of the country, there are people who believe in working, who are living with pride because they are gaining their lives honestly and that also taught me that this mentality, if it is promoted to everybody, it could be the source of the country’s wealth.

Another source or wealth I saw is where they call ‘Gele’. It could be an extraordinary space if they adjusted and developed it, putting due infrastructure. It would attract local and international tourists.

But our work did not stop there. We continued our visit. We went to somewhere called “Canse”. It’s a marketplace where we observed the activities. We noticed the hospitality of the people and their dedication to searching for a better life. They showed hope as if they knew that things would change in the country.

The environment there in Les Cayes is calm and peaceful, and the landscape gives desire to live. All that experience makes us understand that we need to give the best of ourselves day by day in whatever we are doing in our works so that we can reach satisfaction.

I thank Haiti Awake for allowing me to go make that experience.

Hudson's perspective on the trip to Les Cayes

By God’s grace, Rose-Carmel and I recently had the opportunity to travel to Les Cayes from Port-au-Prince, Although I have been to Les Cayes many times before, this time it amazed me more than it used to.

Haitian people are resilient. We believe in working hard and we are creative to fulfill the void due to a lack of materials in order to have the best results that we are looking for.

Rose- Carmel and I went to Les Cayes specifically for a food distribution for inmates. Friends picked us up at the airport and we went to the market to begin buying food and supplies.

When we got to the prison, police introduced us to female prisoners as the organization that helps them with what God put on our way. They were so grateful for that.

It was Rose-Carmel's first day ever in the countryside, and she was also amazed by how the countryside is different from Port-au-Prince. She had to experience the authenticity of our fellowships in the South of Haiti. People are always showing their willingness to help, to assure and know that we are comfortable. The people embrace life with a contagious smile. This tells us life is beautiful, no matter where you are.

We visited a market that is mostly for the “Madan Sara”. These ladies come twice weekly to sell or buy in order to make a living. This place is known as a center for gathered vendors from different places of the remote areas. A picture can tell more than a thousands stories. That's why you can see we tend to share pictures of farmers, fishermen, butchers, to tell these important stories.

“Madan Sara” is a bird that you will call “Village Weaver” in English. Those birds are known to migrate together. They are so active you can see that they are working in groups, and they are noisy.

This theme also describes the strong ladies in Haiti that are bringing food from the remote areas to the city. They play a big part in our community by improving the food market and playing a big part in our economy.

If you ever go to an informal market in Haiti, you will be able to see how our Madan Sara are negotiating, how they are active in the market, and they will remind you of that beautiful bird that is a Madan Sara.

Believe us when we say, Les Cayes is a beautiful country. There are so many places that we didn’t have time to discover in order to share the beauty with you. But through those special pictures we had, you can see the resolve in the face of our beautiful Haitian people.

Music Lessons Behind Prison Walls

I’m frequently asked, “How are things in Haiti?” to which I offer this question: “Are you asking about Haiti, or do you want to know about Haiti Awake because these are vastly different answers.”

Haiti is on the edge of the abyss, and I do not speak in hyperbole. Haiti Awake, however, is thriving, by God's grace.

We continue to move forward, and we are so happy to share a new program - music lessons at CERMICOL. Because of the generous donations of friends who have a heart for prison ministry, we were able to purchase a complete set of drums, and they were safely shipped to Haiti.

Now the fun begins.

Every Sunday for the next six months from 2-4 p.m. four boys will receive music lessons, specifically drum lessons. This first group will finish in December, and new boys will have the same opportunity.

Glwa pou Bondye.

An update from Vorb

I have had a great year at Séminaire de Théologie Evangélique de Port-au-Prince (STEP). I am grateful for the opportunity to increase my knowledge of the Bible and ministry.

I have not been in school since 2017. I lost the habit of sitting in a chair listening to lectures, doing homework, and moving from one place to another in other to get tasks related to study done.

In late August 2022, I had a choice between getting my CPA license or going to seminary. The first one is for professional matters and the second one is to fulfil a vow that I made some years ago. After some thinking and seeking advice, I decided to start with fulfilling my vow before I get the first goal done.

I went to the seminary to get information, but they told me registration was finished and if I wanted to be part of the session, I needed to get registered very soon. Therefore, I took the admission exam and got the interview. The next week, classes began. I was so in a rush to get registered to class, that I did not have any school supplies to go to class. I had to go get some and of course, the Executive Director helped me get a solid, waterproof bag and was faithful on supplying me beautiful pens 😂 because she knows that I really like to write with them.

I went to the new year activity Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday. But on Wednesday, a big rain soaked me and a coworker that went to the ceremony too. It was a struggle to find a ‘tap tap’ because the roads were flooded. Finally, a friend, on a motorcycle, went by and gave us a ride until home. It was so frustrating to me, and I asked how I would make it for the session. I have been under some rain later in the weeks after. But it was not too bad. And I kept on going to class.

My big challenges for this year were

• First, the transportation. Since November, ‘the time is changed’ by the government. I mean that class ended when it was very dark. With the insecurity, it has been difficult to find ‘tap tap’ to get back home. But, sometimes, I found friends that gave me rides. And with the raised price and the shortage of fuel, it was hard. Some days, it took hours to wait for ‘tap tap’. But finally, we made it work.

• Second, the amount of reading that I had to make for each class. A two hour class requires 200 pages of reading, beside the textbooks recommended for the classes and for a three-hour class, 300 pages of reading is required and some other reading for the administration.

• Third, time management. I had to find time for work, seminary, family and church. It has been a struggle for me to have time to do all that and do everything well. Time was never enough for me. And the first session was online, because of the political situation of the country. We had class via voice messages on WhatsApp and we had evaluations and work via Google Classroom. With the internet issue, I had to stay at the Community Center late to be able to have class, sometimes. The professor was asking individual questions via the chats and if somebody were offline or not attending, the professor would notice. But some days, I had to be attending at home and the professor would send a message and I would receive it 15 minutes later. And imagine that we have to attend a three-hour class like that and the professor ask you to make a summary of the class to send him before 12:00 AM after the class? I had to overnight to meet these expectations. But we made it work.

• Finally, the heat. It’s hot, and I had to wear a tie from Monday to Thursday. On Friday, I could choose not to wear it. It’s not hot in class because there are large windows and fans that are always on. But on the way to school, in crowed tap taps, dusty road and the sun, it was hard.

My satisfaction was that the professors are really committed. They always come to give class, even when the situation on the road is bad because of demonstration, insecurity and kidnaping. They are available to listen to our questions and concerns and are ready to help. Every student is called by his/her name. When someone, with a vehicle, comes to class or any service or activity related to the seminary, he/she is always ready to give rides to anybody that’s going their way and do not have vehicle. I have seen other students and professors change their itinerary just because they want to drop other students somewhere they can easily find public transportation or near their houses.

There is also the sense of friendship, respect and brotherhood among the students and the people of the administration. It makes you feel that you belong to a community, that others care about you, your ministry, your family, and your wellbeing.

There is a lot available to learn at the seminary. It’s like a well. You can take as much as you can. Being in seminary showed me that there are a lot of verses that I understood and heard preached out of context. It’s amazing, for me to see the number of errors and lies people tell about the bible. I am more than grateful to learn some and to be able to be in the right track to find and go search the Truth.

I am now on vacation. I will be back to school this fall, late August or beginning September. We pray that the country finds stability, and we can have class physically at the seminary.

An update on my April trip

I recently made a trip to the US to help with a market for Mission Made Jewelry.

I am so thankful for the time I spent with different people who care so much about Haiti and everyone at Haiti Awake, but the last three days of the trip I spent with my friend, Becky, were the most encouraging. Here’s why:

1- Walking in the morning, where both of us were talking about the evolution of the ministry of Haiti Awake , in a country that has recently become almost unlivable for our own children.

2-Talking about her surgery that will happen May 2 that will prevent her from coming back to Haiti for some time.

3- Talking, praying every evening on the deck, and then to give each other a big hug before saying good night.

Finally, I felt very encouraged by Pastor Ethan’s new sermon series on Philippians titled: “Jesus is Worth It “

This was a great trip, and I am looking forward for another great one soon.