The following is an edited version of personal correspondance between me and close advisors this week.
The staff and the board of Haiti Awake agreed to share this publicly so that you, the reader, can pray for our ministry more effectively, even if we can not speak to the specific situation.
This morning my heart is full of Haiti. It has been a hard week of disappointment and disillusionment with the sacrifice of ministry, but I am not discouraged. In fact, I am more sure than ever that Haiti is the place where God would have me invest and pour out the deepest parts of my soul.
I often go back to this quote which means so much to me:
“As C. S. Lewis said, ‘To love is to be vulnerable’ — open to love and then, too, open to disappointment.
Too often we try to avoid that scary place where we love so deep, so much, our hearts could break. But without the bitterness, we would never appreciate the sweetness. ”
There has been a lot of bitterness this week. But it helps me appreciate so much more the sweetness, the beauty that I find in Haiti over and over and over. My heart hurts so much that it could break sometimes, and yet my heart is so filled with joy day by day by day.
Haitians have taught me what it means to love and love well. They have pointed me to Jesus through words and actions. They have taught me to be patient, to be kind, to think the best of others.
The hard times cause me to focus on the Gospel and examine my own life. And each time I do that I realize even more how desperately I need Jesus and how all that I am flows out of my relationship with Him.
“For in him we live and move and have our being”
I truly believe Haiti Awake will be stronger because of this week.